When I was young they told me every single question could be answered by a supernatural being. I believed it so much. I was so excited to go to this place called heaven. I would see the people that I had lost and loved. That being would love me no matter what I did, no matter what I thought.
As I got older the things I had to understand became more complex. The problems I had to deal with grew in magnitude. In my secondary school years did I experience my first mental breakdown. No one was there to help me while I was suffering because everyone believed in god. It was, for the very first time, for me to truly think about my mortality and consider thoughts that would have been laughable and impossible, should I have believed in that magical sky person. Religion was far too convenient for me. It couldn’t answer anything. It couldn’t answer why I wanted to die every night. Why bad people went to hell. Why did god do such disgusting things to “his” own “children”.
I heard people say the same thing over and over again. “It happens for a reason.”“God works in mysterious ways.” ARE YOU SERIOUSLY TELLING ME THIS? WHAT KIND OF BULLSHIT ANSWER IT THAT? How could millions of people be contented with such a hollow and pretentious answer? Why do you not want to find it out for yourself instead of being happy with this absurd reply? Upon hours and hours of thinking, crying and reasoning, one could only come to one -and only one- conclusion. It was a beautiful lie.
My frustration grew into anger for being led into such grave misconceptions of this wonderful world. What ever I was thought was a brain killer. I wanted to get rid of everything I learnt in church. Every verse every propaganda video I watched. EVERYTHING. I fucking want my money back. Let me give it to a proper charity under MY NAME and not some false entity.
There are still mysteries surrounding the “creation” of the universe. Simply because we do not know does not mean that a god can fill in those gaps in our knowledge. But of course those who associate themselves to a religion would think otherwise. Why? Because they can only think so. They have NEVER considered anything outside as far as people like me.
Today my standing adopts (ironically) a fictional character’s mindset. Her name is GLaDOS. Remember how you tried to kill me? Now I only want you gone.